Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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