Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
