Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
