my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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