You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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