I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
