He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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