if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
