Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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