We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
