just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
