I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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