We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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