im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
