I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
