i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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