im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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