we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
