dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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