I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize