I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
