I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
