so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
