guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
