Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
