I hate all girls vehemently.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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