Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
