I can tuck mytits in my pants
operation have a gay friend backfired
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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