just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Shame - the story of my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
