Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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