i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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