There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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