Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize