just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
