rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
