How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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