That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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