you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
