That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
