I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
