At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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