WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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