It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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