and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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