i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
