The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
