put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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