low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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