Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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