So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
