If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
