I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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