I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
