i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The Olympian is in my bed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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