you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
