Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
