Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize