I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
