Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
