Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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