Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
