I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize