also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
