I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
