We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
50% drunk capacity currently
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
