My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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