Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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