I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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