can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
