And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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