I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
