I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
