Nicole vs. Life
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
