I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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