It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
this is an emotional support booty call
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize