Ambien. No doubt about it.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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