tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
