o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
