3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
