cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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