I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
