Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
