So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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