I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
