my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You took a bar mat shot.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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