The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i was born a porn star she said
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
