Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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