i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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