My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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