Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
