Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
